Finding Us, Chapter 1 : First Steps

july one, twenty-sixteen 

Firsts are hard and scary.  First day of school, first day at a new job, first time riding a bike, and your first date with your husband when you haven't been on an official date in an extremely long time.  But usually when things are hard and scary it means that you should jump in with both feet and do it in spite of being scared.  It also usually means that lessons and some excitement are about to be had.

While getting ready for our night out, I found myself feeling a little bit nervous, kind of like those first-date jitters I used to get when We dated.  I wanted Him to look at me not like He did on every other day when I'm in my sweats and a tank top--you moms know what I'm talking about!  I wanted to make Him do a double take.  I shaved, I tweezed, I spritzed, and I even pulled out my best pair of black lacies, because that's what you do on date night when you are wanting to get your husband's attention.  I wanted Him to look at me the way He did when We first met, but I also wanted to feel pretty for myself.  Because once you update to MOM-status, it's very easy to stop taking care of you while you are busy taking care of everyone else.  

Normally when Him and I are in the car going somewhere together, one of Us is usually on our phones.  Instead, we made a conscious effort to put them away, to talk and to hold hands, like We used to.  It felt right.  It felt like home.

Let me tell you about my most favorite part of the night. It was during dinner when somehow a game of "Would You Rather" was started.  I can't even remember which one of Us was the guilty party to start it, but it felt so good to talk about something that had nothing to do with kids, work or bills.  I think it was necessary for Us to have other things to talk about.

I miss His closeness and I miss Us just being sometimes.  Just sitting next to each other without interruptions and being able to BE in the moment was so damn refreshing.  It was good for Us.  

After dinner, we decided to walk some of the streets of downtown Salt Lake, with no plan, no direction and no destination.  It's amazing the simple beauty that you will find in some of the most random places when you aren't even looking for it.

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There is a chance that Him and I snuck down some side streets to steal a kiss or two.  Maybe three.

I would say that this first chapter towards rediscovery and reconnection was a success for Us.  We learned a little bit about each other that we didn't know before, which gave Us some new ground for connection.  At the end of the night, We found Us sitting on a bench among the trees and the quiet with smiles on Our faces. 

It's a start...